Birthday Baby

I have a birthday coming up… I LOVE my birthday! I am shameless about it too. I am the ridiculous old broad who will wear a tiara and tell everyone I meet in Target that it’s my birthday even though I get embarrassed and weepy when people sing ‘happy birthday’ to me. But truth be told, I get weepy over the silliest of things, but that’s fodder for another post.

My father was my shameless-birthday-plug hero. He was always a charmer, he was a politician after all! He was mayor in our small town, back when politicians weren’t Trumped-up-asshats. He had a passion for his community and wanted a better tomorrow for everyone. Oh boy, did he love his birthday! He was also a businessman and if you entertained a meeting in your office with him, he likely snuck his birthday on to your calender. He was smooth and charming, sadly, I did not inherit those qualities from him.

Nope, I’m loud. I’m too much. I am that extreme kind of girl. No one blinks an eye at my obnoxious red hair nor really noticed that I’ve added a double nostril piercing in the last few weeks. Nothing really surprises anyone about me anymore. The potential surprise would be to view my photos of my days in Unhappyland when I tried to be “Amish” and natural. {Yeah, that lasted about a minute}. But it was a season in my life when I tried to make others happy and live a life circled around their opinions and rules. But I digress…

The greatest gift I have ever received, was a gift I’ve given to myself; authenticity. It took decades to discover Me. I attempted to shape-shift and adapt to other people’s puzzle pieces. And it’s only when I questioned the purpose, the need, to fit in, did I actually find the freedom to be Me. Perhaps, it was in the life label, when I became an ‘orphan’ did I learn that I am the owner of my happiness, my joy. It was a conscious choice to seek joy. It’s a daily choice. Some days I struggle with my depression and anxiety, but I can ground my mindset in the solemn truth. “I am loved and I am enough”.

Both of my parents have died, my only blood-brother died suddenly at 49. (My half siblings have also died) I am a lone survivor. But that is my shield – SURVIVOR! I will gladly give the litany of my life, not to boo-hoo and feel sorry for myself; but to celebrate my conquests! I understand only too well that each day is precious, life is fleeting and should be lived with authenticity.

Those items on the checklist of shit-I’ve-lived-through are NOT my identifiers, they are my modifiers! They are the time-stamps in my life that I have consciously chosen to turn into little victories and not the circumstances of defeat. 

I am soon to kick off my birthday week, YES week! Should our paths cross, I will tell you its my birthday. I will expect cupcakes at least once this week. I will drink too much wine, I will laugh until I snort – and laugh until I nearly pee – because I snorted! I will wear stretchy leggings so that I can eat every-last-ever-loving bite of the full order of Twisted Mac & Cheese at Octane. I will use an extra F-word, because…just because.

My Love has already asked me a dozen times, “what do you want for your birthday?” So here is my answer, to all y’all…I want each of you to celebrate YOU! I want you to eat the damn cupcakes, not worry about your thighs and laugh in a big BIG way. I want you to live a life ON purpose, WITH purpose. I want you to find the song in your heart and dance your ass off. I want you to live with authenticity; own your mistakes, apologize if necessary. Own your own stuff and put down the burdens of other peoples garbage! Surround yourself with people who celebrate you; and make sure you invite me to your party!

Cheers, My Lovelies!!
XOXOXOX

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